if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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