Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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