dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
