Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
