I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
