It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize