my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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