theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
