Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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