i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
