I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
