Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
