Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
