honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
