Me too!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Randomize
