i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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