the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
