Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
