How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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