once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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