the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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