there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
