My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
