it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
