How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
