Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
