I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
