totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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