Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize