Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
