Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
