U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
