if i can run in heels then i can drive
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
