He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And then he peed in my hair
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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