I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
worst night to have a conscience
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
