CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
