i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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