Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I love you. Go after that dick
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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