508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
