FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
