What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize