I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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