im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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