im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
