My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
