it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
