my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize