Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
