Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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