Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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