Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
