I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
