Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
