Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
