i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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