Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
