So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
