She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
