I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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