grandma shit on top of the toilet
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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