So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
