I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
