My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
