The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
