I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
