Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
