At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
