wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
