id be glad to
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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